Theory on Happiness

A few people say they are happy. But what is happiness? Here’s some common answers. I am happy because I aced my final. I am happy because on average, I am usually in a good mood. I am happy because I am content with what I have. People say they are happy, but people lie to themselves.

Happiness exists only in relation to unhappiness. Babies look like they are happy. They stay that way for a while, but once they learn about the imperfections of the people around them, they lose their happiness. Babies are happy because they don’t know any better. They have no conception of unhappiness, just the immediate sensory input from the environment around them. They are not ignorant; they just see the world as data. Babies exist only as a reflection of their environment. If their environment does something displeasing, then they are unhappy. If their needs are fulfilled, then they are happy.

Happiness is not an emotion. It is a state of being. Our emotions lie in constant turmoil, changing from moment to moment, sometimes gradually, sometimes suddenly. Emotionally, we are all still babies, but we can hide it better. But to be truly happy is to have every fiber of our being stretched to a higher limit. True happiness fundamentally changes who we are.

To try and stay the same and say we are happy or content or satisfied is not true happiness. The state of satisfaction equals a state of settling for less. We are figures constantly in want of more. The common example that fits would be two soul mates deeply in love. They do not want anyone else. But that does not mean they are ever satisfied. Being in love feels like being addicted to a drug. Two soul mates would never be satisfied because they constantly want more of their partner. Their emotional state is irrelevant. They can fight and be mad or disappointed or sad. But they would still be happy. Their state of being is to positively evolve, to strive for better. For one person to become unhappy, the other has to stop stretching the other person’s perception of happiness. This may come through increasing disinterest or a singular, unforgivable act. But one person has ceased to be a needed drug.

This is not to say that love is the only way to become happy. A person can be happy through their job, or their good deeds, or through a friendship. Best friends are like soul mates in the way that one person can make them happy. But a person can also become happy through their actions. A solitary artist who finds deep fulfillment in his work is happy, even though his actions are not grounded in relationships with others. But the art redefines the artist; he is in want of more beauty.

To find happiness is akin to trying to grab nothing. I cannot describe what the object of nothing is; it is the absence of something. Likewise, we only comprehend what happiness because it is so easy and common to know when we are unhappy. I can lie to myself and put on a brave smile for others. I can fool myself. But we know when we are in want of something more, and what we have is not fulfilling. And to seek happiness feels like trying to not be unhappy. We’re all lonely, because no one will ever truly understand who we are, not even ourselves. A lot of people never find happiness. But all we can do is look for something that we cannot live without, something that builds us up and does not tear us down.